Waiting, Waiting, Waiting…..

I’ll be honest, right now I’m just upset because I really want this deployment to be over with, and it’s not happening. I mean, it’s happening for other people in my husband’s unit, it’s just not happening for me. Every time we get within 24 hours of our homecoming I get a phone call saying that plans have changed and things got pushed back another few days. Meaning I have to tell my kids AGAIN that Daddy won’t be home on the day that we were told he was going to be home. I have to clean…again…because the house won’t stay clean that long. I have to wait around the computer and phone hoping for some sort of message, again.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I LOVE being an Army wife. I love the Army, I was partially raised around it, I am proud to have served in the Army myself, and I love supporting my husband’s career. The one part I absolutely detest about being an Army wife is the feeling that I’m always waiting. Waiting for another deployment. Waiting for my husband to come home for R&R. Waiting for my husband to come home from the deployment. Waiting for my husband to come home from another field problem. Waiting for my husband to come home from TDY or a school. The list can go on and on.

For years I have put my life on hold because I was always waiting for the right time. After so much waiting I have found that there is no “right” time. This deployment my kids came first, but after their needs are met I sought to meet my own needs. I started going to the gym, running, and eating healthy and am reaping the benefits of my hard work. I worked harder than ever to get my degree finished and just turned in my last two assignments today. There were so many things that I did for myself, but looking back there are a few more things that I found myself waiting to do, like travel. Before Dan left I told him that I was not going to stop traveling just because he was gone, but except for a few day trips and a trip to the States that’s exactly what I did, I waited. I wasted a whole year of opportunities, why? Because I wanted to have those experiences with my husband and would feel guilty if I did go without him, and partly because I didn’t want to travel alone with two small children. To me those are not good excuses, my kids are great travelers and I have never had a problem with them in travel situations with or without Dan. The first excuse…I love my husband and want to experience everything about living in Europe with him, but should I put my life on hold and not do anything because he’s away? Should time stand still because he is taken away to serve his country? Should I feel guilty that I want to experience life even though he’s gone for up to a year at a time? I know what the logical answer is. No, I shouldn’t feel guilty and no, my life should not stop because he’s away so often and for so long, but why do I have such a difficult time justifying the fact that I should have a life too?

So when is the right time? Now. When the opportunities are there, because you don’t know if you will have those opportunities again. No more putting life on hold for this Army wife. I’m going to stop making excuses and start seizing the opportunities that come my way, because I deserve to enjoy my freedom and my life…isn’t that what our husbands are fighting for?