I have heard one phrase quite a few times over the past few weeks, and each time I hear it, it sounds to me like someone scratching their nails down a chalk board. It physically hurts me to hear it, and, to be honest, I feel a bit put down.
Would you like to know this phrase? Here it is:
"A college degree is just a piece of paper. It doesn't mean anything."
Ouch!
While I will agree that a college degree is not a measure of intelligence by any means, I will argue that a college degree doesn't mean anything. Some of you might rolling your eyes at this point, thinking to yourself "of course she says that! She has a bachelors degree and a masters degree!" Well, all that I ask is that you bear with me for a second.
A college degree, while not a measure of intelligence, can be a measure of other factors.
A degree, for many, can symbolize hope for a better future. It's a fact that those with a degree will make more money than those without one. Please spare me the argument of "I know so-and-so and they don't have a degree and they make tons of money." There is always an exception to the rule.
A college degree can be a measure of work ethic. I have spent hundreds of thousands of hours reading, writing papers, watching lectures, and taking tests. That was on top of being a stay at home mother of twins, volunteer activities, and trying to maintain a somewhat pathetic social life. I had to make time to get my school work done, otherwise it would have never been finished.
A college degree can be a measure of determination. If you want it badly enough, you will find a way. One of the most valuable benefits of my military service was the G.I Bill that came along with it. Because of that benefit, I was able to earn college degree, and I truly believe that without it I would have never completed college. I had to find time while my children were napping and such to get homework done. Being a student and a parent is extremely challenging. But you know what? I found a way to not only finance my education but I also found a routine that enabled me to complete my education. Other people take out student loans or work several jobs in order to finance their education. If you want it badly enough, you will find the time and money to do so.
A college degree can be a measure of knowledge. Knowledge and intelligence are two different, but related concepts. Knowledge is a collection of facts, truths, or principles that are gained through study or investigation. Intelligence is defined as one's capacity for learning, reasoning, and understanding. Ones intelligence can determine how much knowledge they are able to obtain. It is more of a natural ability, either you have it or you do not. With that being said, it is nearly impossible, unless you are trying very hard, to go through any type of schooling and not come out on the other side without knowledge. If you go to college for two years, four years, six years, or even longer, you will complete your education with more knowledge than you had before you started your education.
A college degree can be a measure of capability. Some fields of work require that the person be licensed before they are able to work in that particular field. Most times, in order to be licensed that person must have a particular degree. For example, I am working on becoming an Associate Licensed Professional Counselor, in hopes of becoming a Licensed Professional Counselor. The state of North Carolina, and most other states, stipulate that before I can obtain said license I need a degree in counseling or a related field. Why? That degree is somewhat of a measure of my capabilities as a counselor.
Now with this being said, I do not think those without a degree do not possess these qualities. Of course someone without a degree can be knowledgeable, capable, determined, etc. One does not need a piece of paper to determine that. I am just trying to say that before someone goes around saying that a college degree doesn't mean anything to think for a minute. That degree might not mean anything to you, but for those of us who have sacrificed time, money, and effort into attaining the goal of earning a degree, that expensive piece of paper means so much more.
Sunday, April 6, 2014
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
You Chose It
As many of you already know, my husband is currently deployed to Afghanistan. This deployment is his fourth combat deployment literally since the day after our 8 year old twins were born. This one is a short one; it is only nine months long, where the other three have been year-long separations.
Also, as many of you may know, I am not one of those women who mope around during these deployments. Many women stop their lives when their husbands are gone. It is as though they feel their existence is pointless when their husbands are not around. They exist during these deployments, but they do not LIVE or THRIVE during these deployments. I am not one of these women. I make goals during each deployment, and more often than not I achieve those goals. Even though half of my heart is gone with my husband in Afghanistan, my life does not end when he is not a daily part of it.
With that being said, I do have my off days where I do feel sorry for myself. I have my day, mope around the house and whatnot, then I pick myself up the next day and move on. Well, I was having one of these days when I was chatting with a friend from high school on facebook. I was complaining about how it sucks that my husband is gone or how much I miss him, and my friend told me "well, you chose your life", and that was it. Like I wasn't allowed to hurt or to miss my husband because I chose this life with my husband.
I understand that this is not my first rodeo. I usually do not complain to other military wives about deployment woes because I usually get told something to the effect of "you're a military spouse, it's part of the job, get over it." Really? When have we stopped lifting each other up, empathizing with one another, and encouraging one another and expect everyone to just "suck it up and drive on"? I know that is what our husbands are taught, but we are human beings with feelings and emotions, and we have a right to express these emotions without being stonewalled.
Another thing that other wives tell me is that this isn't my first deployment, so things should be easy for me. Well, in a sense that is true. I know what to expect and I know the challenges that lie ahead of me not only with the deployment but with reintegration as well. I also know what I personally need to do to make it through these deployments. On the other hand, each deployment brings with it its own unique sets of challenges and setbacks. For example, during the first deployment I had newborn twins and was serving on active duty in the Army; I was a single parent to these two beautiful babies while having to fulfill my obligation to my country. Needless to say I didn't sleep much, and things were hectic. On this deployment, I have 8 year olds who somewhat understand what is going on and what their dad is doing in Afghanistan, and are able to express their feelings and emotions pertaining to these events. I wouldn't say one deployment is easier or harder than the other, they are all different.
To me, this lifestyle was not a choice. I love my husband dearly, and when he asked me to marry him, I had to accept his proposal knowing that in a sense I was marrying the military as well. I had to take the good with the bad. However, I could not imagine sharing my life with any other man, so there was no choice for me; I accepted the proposal whole-heartedly.
With all this being said, deployments suck. While we are blessed by the military in many ways (housing, healthcare, travel opportunities, friends that are more like family, steady job, etc.) there are also many ways that the military life can be difficult. As a therapist I know that keeping emotions inside and not being able to express them is unhealthy, but I fear expressing my emotions concerning deployments because of the reactions I have been getting from others. I guess what I am trying to say is, let the military spouses, and even soldiers, be able to express their emotions pertaining to this lifestyle without fear of any sort of backlash. Remember that next time you get a flat tire or your husband has to go on a weekend business trip. Military families endure far more hardship and stress on average and complain far less. When one of us needs someone to talk to, please just listen and offer your empathy, understanding, and prayer.
Also, as many of you may know, I am not one of those women who mope around during these deployments. Many women stop their lives when their husbands are gone. It is as though they feel their existence is pointless when their husbands are not around. They exist during these deployments, but they do not LIVE or THRIVE during these deployments. I am not one of these women. I make goals during each deployment, and more often than not I achieve those goals. Even though half of my heart is gone with my husband in Afghanistan, my life does not end when he is not a daily part of it.
With that being said, I do have my off days where I do feel sorry for myself. I have my day, mope around the house and whatnot, then I pick myself up the next day and move on. Well, I was having one of these days when I was chatting with a friend from high school on facebook. I was complaining about how it sucks that my husband is gone or how much I miss him, and my friend told me "well, you chose your life", and that was it. Like I wasn't allowed to hurt or to miss my husband because I chose this life with my husband.
I understand that this is not my first rodeo. I usually do not complain to other military wives about deployment woes because I usually get told something to the effect of "you're a military spouse, it's part of the job, get over it." Really? When have we stopped lifting each other up, empathizing with one another, and encouraging one another and expect everyone to just "suck it up and drive on"? I know that is what our husbands are taught, but we are human beings with feelings and emotions, and we have a right to express these emotions without being stonewalled.
Another thing that other wives tell me is that this isn't my first deployment, so things should be easy for me. Well, in a sense that is true. I know what to expect and I know the challenges that lie ahead of me not only with the deployment but with reintegration as well. I also know what I personally need to do to make it through these deployments. On the other hand, each deployment brings with it its own unique sets of challenges and setbacks. For example, during the first deployment I had newborn twins and was serving on active duty in the Army; I was a single parent to these two beautiful babies while having to fulfill my obligation to my country. Needless to say I didn't sleep much, and things were hectic. On this deployment, I have 8 year olds who somewhat understand what is going on and what their dad is doing in Afghanistan, and are able to express their feelings and emotions pertaining to these events. I wouldn't say one deployment is easier or harder than the other, they are all different.
To me, this lifestyle was not a choice. I love my husband dearly, and when he asked me to marry him, I had to accept his proposal knowing that in a sense I was marrying the military as well. I had to take the good with the bad. However, I could not imagine sharing my life with any other man, so there was no choice for me; I accepted the proposal whole-heartedly.
With all this being said, deployments suck. While we are blessed by the military in many ways (housing, healthcare, travel opportunities, friends that are more like family, steady job, etc.) there are also many ways that the military life can be difficult. As a therapist I know that keeping emotions inside and not being able to express them is unhealthy, but I fear expressing my emotions concerning deployments because of the reactions I have been getting from others. I guess what I am trying to say is, let the military spouses, and even soldiers, be able to express their emotions pertaining to this lifestyle without fear of any sort of backlash. Remember that next time you get a flat tire or your husband has to go on a weekend business trip. Military families endure far more hardship and stress on average and complain far less. When one of us needs someone to talk to, please just listen and offer your empathy, understanding, and prayer.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
FML
In my opinion, today’s most overused term is “FML”. Everybody says it, at least here on post. I hear it just about everywhere, and I often see someone post it on facebook when something is not going the way that a person planned it to. For those of you who don’t know, “FML” stands for Fuck My Life.
In the spirit of full disclosure I must admit that I have used the term one time. I don’t remember what was going on, but things just weren’t going my way and I used it. It seemed unnatural, and even though things weren’t going my way I felt that I had no real reason to use it. Why? Well, because I actually have a very good life and I do not have much to complain about, so when one little thing doesn’t go my way I’m going to say something like that? Kind of seems silly really.
Even for those who are not presently living their ideal life, I think the term is still a waste of breath. I say this because no matter how bad things get, things can go worse. With that being said, things can always get better too. Instead of focusing on the negative things, people should turn their attention to the things the positive things in their life.
Yeah, there will be bumps in the road, but how are we supposed to grow and mature without the tough experiences most of us will face at one time or another? I know things can suck, but every time that things have been really crappy in my life or I was not in an ideal situation I just hang in there, bear through it, and work toward my goals…even if that goal is something little like making it through the day. My point is, we shouldn’t just throw our hands up and say “FML” whenever things get rough, we should work through those time because it is the tough times that make us who we are today.
I am reminded of a quote by Henry Ford, “When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.” In the end, it is adversity that makes us stronger. Be thankful that you have the chance to be changed for the better through these tough experiences.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Chaotically Organized
For some reason I have noticed that my life just seems to run smoother the more chaotic it gets. A year and a half ago when I was a member of the PWOC board, FRG leader, college student, and stay-at-home mommy with four year old twins at home, I was able to get a lot accomplished during the day, even with the kids in tow every step of the way.
Don’t get me wrong, when my kids started kindergarten I found a lot more time on my hands and found ways to fill up that time, mostly by taking a little “me” time and getting into a gym routine, and working toward my bachelor’s degree. I even found time to train for the Army Ten-Miler (which I didn’t have the opportunity to do after all because my hubby came home from his deployment!!).
When I gave up the FRG leader position and my term on the PWOC board expired, I found that my time-management skills were not up to par at all. I would always get my school work done, but the house suffered even though I had no real reason to neglect my chores.
Then the day that I had been working toward for three years finally came…I graduated from college! I was ecstatic beyond belief. I had a BREAK from school (which I never allowed myself to have, with the exception of the move to Germany), what was I going to do with all my time between graduation and when I start graduate school? You know what I did? A whole lot of nothing. I went to the gym and took care of the needs of my children and husband, but the housework was neglected. My time management skills went to the wayside and the things that I could normally accomplish in a day would take me an entire week…why is that?
Now I am in grad school (which has an insane amount of homework), I work out every day, I take care of my family’s needs, and I facilitate a class for PWOC. I also recently committed myself to doing a half-marathon in May with some other ladies from PWOC. With all of that going on in my life, guess what? I have been on top of my household chores as well!
I don’t understand it, but I seem to work better off of chaos than I do when things are calm. I like to think of my life as being chaotically organized…and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Home is Where You Hang Your Hat
Being associated with the military and having to move around so often, “home” has many different concepts. Home can mean where you grew up, where your last duty station is, or your house at your current duty station. The meaning of “home” can change context from person to person, or from conversation to conversation depending on the person.
For Christmas I was afforded the opportunity to go “home” to Wisconsin, which is where I grew up and where my parents and brother live. Although I have not lived in Wisconsin for over ten years, in my heart Wisconsin will always be where “home” is for me. I may not live there again anytime soon, but my husband and I would like to retire there when his military enlistment is up.
When we returned from our trip “home”, I was truly disgusted by the appearance of my physical home, Warner Barracks. There was garbage all over post, beer bottles in the high school lawn, and around my building there were hundreds of cigarette butts, peanut oil dumped on the grass from frying turkeys over the holidays, an assortment of destroyed lawn toys, a shopping cart, and other forms of debris. I had a hard enough time leaving Wisconsin, and coming back home with the common areas in this condition made it almost unbearable for me to be here.
You see, to many people living here in Germany is only a temporary thing. Truth be told, it really is a temporary assignment. If you are married you will be here for a minimum of three years unless you choose to extend. Even if you do choose to extend, eventually you will have to move back to the states unless you choose to retire in Germany and even then you will have to move off post. Since many view living here as temporary, they do not view this assignment as their home and do not treat it as such. They do not pick up after themselves, leave the common areas in disarray, and do not extend kindness or courtesy to their neighbors. I do believe in the old saying that “home is where your heart is”, but for the time being this is where we are living. God put us here and for the duration of our stay here this is our home and it should be treated as such. It is no t difficult to pick up after ourselves, our children, our pets. If for some reason one of our neighbors forgets to throw something away, it is not difficult to help them out that one time. It is not difficult to be kind to our neighbors or even make friends with them, no matter where they are from or their race/culture/ethnicity. If we all work together and extend just a little bit of common courtesy to one another then this place can truly become a home.
Even though to me “home” will always be Wisconsin and that is where my heart is, in reality home is where I hang my hat. Right now, my hat hangs in Bamberg, Germany. I will pick up after myself and my family, I will do my part to ensure that the common areas are clean (without having to bear the brunt of the weight and be a maid to my neighbors). I will extend kindness and courtesy to my neighbors because I want my home to become a place that I want to be, not just some place I am passing through on the road of life on my way to somewhere else.
If only my neighbors will adopt the same train of thought.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
What I'm Thankful For
There are so many things that I'm thankful for, where do I even start? I'm thankful that my Lord and Saviour died on the cross so that I may have eternal life. I'm thankful that I live in a country where I have the freedom to worship to practice my religion openly.
I am thankful that God gave me such a wonderful husband. Even though no man is perfect, he is everything I could have ever asked for. I am also thankful that my husband is home from Afghanistan and is able to celebrate the holidays with us this year.
I am so very thankful for my little boy and little girl...a lot of the time I don't think I deserve to have such sweet, happy, smart little kids but I am so grateful that God put them in my care.
I am thankful for my mother, father, and brother. I could not have chosen better family members if I had the chance. My parents and brother are so loving and supportive, I do not know where I would be without them.
I am thankful for my very large extended family. I know that I don't keep in touch as often as I should (especially if you're not on facebook) but I want to know that I love and miss each and every single one of you. The love and support that I have recieved from all of you throughout the years is very much appreciated.
I am thankful for my Bamberg/Army family and the support that they gave me during this past deployment. Sometimes it can be difficult being so far away from my immediate family, but the love and support that I get from my family here makes up for the fact that my family is not here to help me when I need them. I am forever grateful to each one of my friends and the support I have recieved from them, even if it was something as simple as kind words in a facebook message.
I am thankful for my furry child, Maddie. She was such a horrible puppy but she is really turning into such a great dog. She looks mean but she couldn't hurt a fly if she wanted to, and she's so stubborn but at the same time she is very sweet, affectionate, and loyal.
I am thankful for the fact that I get to live in Germany for the third time in my life! I love living in Europe and the travel opportunities that we have because we live here. We have gone on so many trips, and are planning on so many more.
I am thankful that, as of today, I am officially a college graduate. I am thankful to have such a loving and supportive husband when it comes to my education. I am also thankful that I will be starting graduate school soon and that God seems to be providing a means for me to pay for school as well.
I am thankful that I finally started my journey to a healthy lifestyle and lost 40lbs this past year. I feel so much better and have much more energy than I used to, and I like being able to do activities like the Running of the Herd or 10-milers.
I am thankful that my husband has a job, that we have medical insurance, and that we have a place to live and we really don't have to worry about anything financially. We might not have much compared to many other people, but we have so much more than so many others and I am grateful that our basic needs (and then some) are taken care of.
I am thankful that my family and I are healthy. Aside from the occasional stomach virus or cold, we are all very healthy and for that I am very grateful.
I am thankful for the fact that I get to be a stay-at-home mother and that I don't have to work if I don't want to. I never thought I'd be a housewife, and to be honest I didn't enjoy it very much during the first few years, but it has grown on me. I love being able to do volunteer work if I want to, keep a clean house, bring my husband food at work if he needs it, have dinner on the table when he comes home, take care of my children, help them with their homework, teach them the morals and values that I want them to learn, and just enjoy taking care of and being with my family. So many women want to be able to do this and can't because of financial situations, and I just kind of "fell" into this position, but I am glad that I did.
There are probably so many things that I'm missing, but even though I can't think of them right now I'm still thankful for them. What are you thankful for?
I am thankful that God gave me such a wonderful husband. Even though no man is perfect, he is everything I could have ever asked for. I am also thankful that my husband is home from Afghanistan and is able to celebrate the holidays with us this year.
I am so very thankful for my little boy and little girl...a lot of the time I don't think I deserve to have such sweet, happy, smart little kids but I am so grateful that God put them in my care.
I am thankful for my mother, father, and brother. I could not have chosen better family members if I had the chance. My parents and brother are so loving and supportive, I do not know where I would be without them.
I am thankful for my very large extended family. I know that I don't keep in touch as often as I should (especially if you're not on facebook) but I want to know that I love and miss each and every single one of you. The love and support that I have recieved from all of you throughout the years is very much appreciated.
I am thankful for my Bamberg/Army family and the support that they gave me during this past deployment. Sometimes it can be difficult being so far away from my immediate family, but the love and support that I get from my family here makes up for the fact that my family is not here to help me when I need them. I am forever grateful to each one of my friends and the support I have recieved from them, even if it was something as simple as kind words in a facebook message.
I am thankful for my furry child, Maddie. She was such a horrible puppy but she is really turning into such a great dog. She looks mean but she couldn't hurt a fly if she wanted to, and she's so stubborn but at the same time she is very sweet, affectionate, and loyal.
I am thankful for the fact that I get to live in Germany for the third time in my life! I love living in Europe and the travel opportunities that we have because we live here. We have gone on so many trips, and are planning on so many more.
I am thankful that, as of today, I am officially a college graduate. I am thankful to have such a loving and supportive husband when it comes to my education. I am also thankful that I will be starting graduate school soon and that God seems to be providing a means for me to pay for school as well.
I am thankful that I finally started my journey to a healthy lifestyle and lost 40lbs this past year. I feel so much better and have much more energy than I used to, and I like being able to do activities like the Running of the Herd or 10-milers.
I am thankful that my husband has a job, that we have medical insurance, and that we have a place to live and we really don't have to worry about anything financially. We might not have much compared to many other people, but we have so much more than so many others and I am grateful that our basic needs (and then some) are taken care of.
I am thankful that my family and I are healthy. Aside from the occasional stomach virus or cold, we are all very healthy and for that I am very grateful.
I am thankful for the fact that I get to be a stay-at-home mother and that I don't have to work if I don't want to. I never thought I'd be a housewife, and to be honest I didn't enjoy it very much during the first few years, but it has grown on me. I love being able to do volunteer work if I want to, keep a clean house, bring my husband food at work if he needs it, have dinner on the table when he comes home, take care of my children, help them with their homework, teach them the morals and values that I want them to learn, and just enjoy taking care of and being with my family. So many women want to be able to do this and can't because of financial situations, and I just kind of "fell" into this position, but I am glad that I did.
There are probably so many things that I'm missing, but even though I can't think of them right now I'm still thankful for them. What are you thankful for?
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