A "Can't Do" Attitude

This is a subject that has been on my heart for a quite some time, but I was reminded of it yesterday when I was helping my daughter with her reading assignment; she was trying to sound a word that any first grader should be able to get, she got frustrated and said “Mommy, I can’t do it!”I was taken back by that statement because I knew for a fact that my daughter could do it…she just didn’t WANT to put the work into figuring it out.

In the past I have been guilty of using the word “can’t” just as much as anybody else, but the past three deployments that my husband and I have endured have shown me just how much I can do that I thought I couldn’t do before. So is it really that we can’t do something? Or is it more that we won’t or don’t want to?

Many of you who know me know that in the past ten months I have lost about 40lbs. I get a lot of compliments about my weight loss, and when people ask how I did it I tell them that I watch what I eat, measure my portion sizes, and exercise. The usual reply that I get after I tell them my “secret” is, “I can’t do that, I just don’t have the discipline” (or time, someone to watch kids, etc.). Now, does this person really not have the time, or are they just unwilling to set aside some time for themselves to work out? Is childcare really a problem, or are they just not coming up with creative ways to work out with the children home or finding child care? Is discipline really the issue, or is it the fact that they are not ready to make the changes that cater to a healthy lifestyle? I have made these same excuses for myself for years, telling myself that I can’t lose weight because of various reasons, but really it was me not choosing to make healthy changes. This kind of thinking not only affects weight loss, but many other areas of life as well. Facing any sort of change in life or a major life “hurdle” requires a change in your thinking and the attitude in which you approach them.

In the book titled “Help! I’m a Military Spouse: I Get a Life Too” the authors speak about getting caught up in language that limits our behavior, and how such language can make us feel like we are powerless victims of our circumstances. No matter how small the hurdle or how insignificant the goal might seem, a “can’t do” attitude is not going to get you very far in life and you are only limiting your many possibilities.

The authors of the book also stated that sometimes we say we can’t do something, when often times it is simply that we aren’t ready to accept the consequences of doing it. For example, say a girlfriend of mine asked me if I wanted to go to lunch with her, but I had a paper due and desperately needed to get it done. So I reply to the invitation by saying “I can’t, I have homework to do”. In reality, it’s not that I can’t really go to lunch, because I very well can, it’s me choosing not to go to lunch with my girlfriend because I am not willing to accept the consequences of not finishing the paper and getting a poor grade.

So, the next time you say to yourself “I can’t do this because ______”, ask yourself if you REALLY cannot do it, or if you simply won’t, don’t want to, or are choosing not to for various reasons. By asking yourself for the real reason why you “can’t” do something and looking at things from a different perspective not only are you realizing that you do have choices and are not a victim of circumstances, but you are opening up the door for possibilities that may not have existed before simply because of your “can’t do” attitude.