The Universe Will Provide

I kind of decided to do yoga teacher training (YTT for short), for what most people think was out of the blue. I have actually been stalking my yoga studio’s YTT program for a few years, but always found reasons not to do it, like time and money. This past year, just before the deadline, I decided not to do it because of a shoulder injury. I had just had surgery 3 months prior, and had a very difficult recovery, so I decided to push it off another year. “Next year”, I told myself.

Well. I’m not sure it was due to the Percocet I was on for my shoulder pain or what, but one night in December I woke up and I absolutely had to apply for YTT training. The deadline was coming soon, but for some reason it just could not wait until the following morning, it had to be done now. So I on my opioid-induced high I went looking for the application, couldn’t find it, and then e-mailed the contact at the studio to ask for the application. I figured that if I were accepted into the program, it would all work out somehow (money for tuition, time, etc.). The next day I completed and submitted the application.

So why did I even want to do the YTT program in the first place? Well, I am a therapist and I wanted another “tool” in my toolkit to help the population I was working with. We can feel feelings in our bodies, they’re called “somatic symptoms”. For example, some people with anxiety can experience migraines or “stomach problems”. Others feel burning sensations going up and down their legs. I thought that yoga could better help me communicate those bodily sensations to my clients, help them recognize those feelings in their own bodies, and give me the tools to help me help them relieve those symptoms.

Little did I know I would gain so much more.

I met with the contact and was accepted into the program! I was elated! I only had one concern. Remember that shoulder surgery with the difficult recovery? I ended up with frozen shoulder and needed another procedure done. I couldn’t even lift my arm to a 90 degree angle with my shoulder. I couldn’t do most yoga poses. I couldn’t even do a simple yoga pose like downward facing dog.

In fact, I honestly thought that my shoulder would never get better. Ever. I’m not even kidding when I say that if someone at my gym asked me how my shoulder was doing, I’d burst into tears and excuse myself to go to the restroom; I couldn’t even talk about it because I was so upset by this. Forget yoga, I thought I’d never even be able to do things like wash my hair with two hands, style my own hair, or even throw a ball for my dogs ever again with my right hand. That injury, surgery, and recovery took that much of an emotional toll on me.

My YTT teachers assured me that things could be modified for me to be able to participate, and they were incredibly helpful in helping to find alternative poses that I was able to do.

I am so glad that I went through with it, because after my second procedure my physical therapists attributed my recovery to of course the insane amount of physical therapy I had to do, but also to the yoga I had been doing to supplement my recovery. Little by little I was able to do more and more of the poses until I did not even need to modify them anymore.

I no longer work in a clinical setting, so my original reason for entering the YTT program became moot for at least the time being. I thought that I would still have that tool in my toolkit should I ever return to a clinical setting and treating patients, so not all was lost. Then I was approached by both of my gym owners at separate times, with each of them asking me if I would be interested in teaching a weekly yoga class at my gym once I completed my yoga certification. I was elated, as I have a lot of respect for both of these men, I love my gym and I would love to be a part of the team there so I said “yes”. I am also now in the negotiation phase of perhaps teaching a weekly class at another gym. So you see, not all was lost, as the universe saw a need and provided for that need.

Life has an interesting way of doing things sometimes. I’ll never know why I woke up that night and absolutely had to have that application completed right then and there, after I had already resigned to the fact that “maybe next year” I should do it. Be it divine intervention, intuition, or even just a Percocet high, I am so incredibly thankful that I listened to that “voice” that night and took that initial step of submitting the application. Not only did I get what I was seeking in clinical terms, I gained some mobility in my shoulder back, a greater confidence in my physical capabilities, a greater confidence in my teaching skills, a greater confidence in my public speaking ability, friends and mentors that I know I will keep in touch with for the rest of my life, and a new passion.

So in short, listen to your instincts, that voice is usually right. If it’s right for you, the universe will find a way to provide.

~Namaste

We Make Time for What We Value

The other day I was at a friend’s home visiting. My friend was drinking kombucha, and we discussed the economics of purchasing kombucha versus making homemade kombucha when my friend said “I just don’t have time.”

Aside from the fact that kombucha takes very little time to make (except for the fermenting process, of course), I just could not believe that this friend said that to me. This friend knows I have a busy lifestyle that includes working full time, having a part-time business I am trying to grow (doTERRA), yoga teacher training, and a demanding doctoral program – on top of being a wife and mother and everything that entails. Of course I didn’t get into all of that, but instead I kept my composure and said “we make time for the things that are important to us.”

This statement doesn’t apply to just school or hobbies. It applies to everything in life. If it is not of importance to us, we just don’t do it or make the time to do it, but often we use time as the excuse rather than stating “I just don’t want to”. Take fitness as an example. Many people use the excuse of “not having enough time” for not making it to the gym or going for a walk, but I am most certain that if they looked at their typical day, they would see that there is indeed time during their typical day to fit in a time to go to the gym or take a walk or whatever activity it is that they enjoy. The only reason they do not is because it’s not a priority.  

Some might not know how to make that time. Well, it’s a matter of priorities. Once you decide that something is important to you, it’s a matter of finding that time in your schedule. That can include waking up earlier to make time, making time during your lunch break, or even not watching television in the evening to accomplish the tasks that one sets out to do. It does not need to be an hour or more at a time, either. Even 20-30 minutes of effort put toward a task at the time can be very valuable.

I am often asked how I am able to juggle as much as I do. Everything that I choose to add to my life, it is important to me. My family and their needs come first, of course. If my kids need to be picked up from a sports practice, of course that is priority. But, while I am waiting in the car for them to come out of the school, you can typically find me reading something for yoga teacher training or for school, or even making a phone call. I am typically reading when I am eating my breakfast. My lunch breaks consist of me eating while reading for school as well, or even connecting with my customers to see if they need help with anything essential oil-related. In the evenings I try my hardest to work out by either doing CrossFit or yoga. Some days that happens, some days that does not, but lately if I cannot make it to the gym or to the studio, I do a home yoga practice in my office. I also do my assignments in the evening when I have internet connection and quiet time in my office.  

I prioritize my daily tasks, and yes, I have a working list of things that I need to accomplish. At the top of the list are the most time-sensitive tasks that need to be done that day, usually something with a deadline. Then come the second-priority tasks, which are the tasks I’d like to get done and they should get done but they are not as time sensitive as the higher priority tasks. At the bottom of the list are the low-priority, non-sensitive tasks that I would like to get done but I could go to sleep without them being done and not be anxious at night thinking about them. Once I complete a task, I cross it off and go to the next. If I can get all the top priority tasks accomplished, and even some of the secondary tasks finished, I will be happy.

I have a calendar, an “old school” paper planner, that I write down all appointments and engagements on. For some reason I cannot use the digital calendar in my phone or on my computer, but if I write something down I will remember it. I suppose I’m very visual in that respect. If I don’t write it down, though, I tend to forget about things, so as soon as I have something that needs to go on the calendar I write it down. My particular planner has the days listed hour-by-hour, which works for me because I am a therapist and it is easy for me to track appointments that way, but I encourage people to find what works best for them and their specific needs.

Learn to delegate. Especially if you are a working parent. Your kids, no matter their age, are old enough to do chores. I’m not saying that they need to be bogged-down with chores, not at all. Find age-appropriate chores for them to do. My children are teenagers and are capable of more that smaller children, but they do their own laundry, help with dishes, and clean their bathroom/bedrooms. It takes maybe 15-20 minutes of their day. My husband has his chores as well. Of course I do my chores, I am fickle about what my family eats and almost always make dinners at home from scratch. That’s important for me and I make time for it. But if I need help cutting vegetables to help save time, I do not hesitate to ask someone in the family to cut them. There is no reason for you as a parent, working or not, to do everything on your own. I honestly don’t view this as my family “helping out”, but view it as my family doing their fair share of the chores considering we all eat, have dirty clothes, and get the house dirty.

If there has been something you have been wanting to do, but you have been putting it off due to time, I challenge you to take a look at your daily routine to see where maybe you could find the time, then start taking the steps to make that “want” a reality for you. You will be thankful you made that time for yourself later.

~Namaste

Everyone's a Therapist

Often I find myself in various establishments such as bar, a hair salon, or another business where I find myself engaging in small talk with various people. Eventually I am asked the question “what do you do for a living?”, to which I often reply “I’m a therapist.” I often get this response “So am I” followed by a laugh.

Ok, so I get it. People open up to hair stylists, bartenders, and a multitude of other professionals they seek services from. I admit I may be a little defensive about this topic because I am a therapist, but it bothers me that these professionals in their own right compare themselves to mental health therapists.

Let me make myself clear by stating that I am in no way, shape, or form “bashing” these other professions. They are absolutely necessary. I highly respect those who have skills that I do not possess, such as being able to cut hair or work on a vehicle.

Let me start off by explaining the amount of work that goes into becoming a therapist. Therapists go through extensive training that consists of a 60 hour master’s degree program. This program also entails a 200 hour practicum and a 600 hour internship. Once that is finished, therapists must sit for an extensive licensing exam. Once they pass the exam, the therapist can then apply for their associate license. I compare this to having a drivers permit, where the learning driver must have a licensed driver in the vehicle with them to learn how to drive. An associate license is exactly that, a license granted to the therapist with the condition they will have an approved, appropriately licensed supervisor overseeing them, and with whom they will meet at least once a week. Depending on the state, the therapist must then gather a certain amount of hours to earn their full license. For example, in North Carolina the associate therapist is to earn 3,000 supervised hours. 2000 of these hours must be direct contact hours, meaning working with the clients.  Once the full licensed is earned, the counselor is required to earn a certain amount of continuing education credits in order to maintain their license. The amount of credits varies depending on the state of licensure and the type of license.

Some therapists are dually licensed. This means they are licensed in more than one field of counseling, such as mental health and addictions. Guess what? Both licenses have similar requirements regarding the associate licensing process regarding the examination and the accumulation of counseling hours. In that case the therapist would also meet with their addictions supervisor on a weekly basis to discuss addictions-related cases and anything else addictions related in preparation for earning their full license.

Therapy is more than just having someone open up to you and listening to them. I must admit that is a key component to therapy, because a therapist cannot develop an effective treatment plan without knowing all the facts. This is called building rapport, and it is an ongoing process throughout the therapeutic relationship. While important, it is not the only component to therapy. Therapists not only listen, but while listening they come up with ways in which to help the client learn how to help themselves. We teach the clients coping skills to help them manage or even overcome their problems, and if need be we point them to other professionals or organizations that can provide help that we cannot.

It has been a while since I have looked up the educational and training requirements to become a hairstylist, bartender, or any other profession for that matter (I'm not trying to pick on those professions!!), but I am fairly certain they are not trained or experienced to help people as those in the counseling professions are. So, in my opinion, a hairstylist or any other profession to say they are a therapist can be likened to me cutting my own bangs or coloring my own hair and calling myself a hairstylist. I do not have the training or the expertise to do hair, as other professions don’t have the training or expertise to help someone change their lives.

I’m hoping the reader is able to see where my frustration comes from when this situation arises. I guess what I’m ultimately trying to say is, give credit when credit is due. We all work hard to learn our trades and be the best at what we do.

Not Just a Piece of Paper

I have heard one phrase quite a few times over the past few weeks, and each time I hear it, it sounds to me like someone scratching their nails down a chalk board. It physically hurts me to hear it, and, to be honest, I feel a bit put down. 

Would you like to know this phrase? Here it is:

"A college degree is just a piece of paper. It doesn't mean anything." 

Ouch!

While I will agree that a college degree is not a measure of intelligence by any means, I will argue that a college degree doesn't mean anything. Some of you might rolling your eyes at this point, thinking to yourself "of course she says that! She has a bachelors degree and a masters degree!" Well, all that I ask is that you bear with me for a second.

A college degree, while not a measure of intelligence, can be a measure of other factors. 

A degree, for many, can symbolize hope for a better future. It's a fact that those with a degree will make more money than those without one. Please spare me the argument of "I know so-and-so and they don't have a degree and they make tons of money." There is always an exception to the rule. 

A college degree can be a measure of work ethic. I have spent hundreds of thousands of hours reading, writing papers, watching lectures, and taking tests. That was on top of being a stay at home mother of twins, volunteer activities, and trying to maintain a somewhat pathetic social life. I had to make time to get my school work done, otherwise it would have never been finished.

A college degree can be a measure of determination. If you want it badly enough, you will find a way. One of the most valuable benefits of my military service was the G.I Bill that came along with it. Because of that benefit, I was able to earn college degree, and I truly believe that without it I would have never completed college. I had to find time while my children were napping and such to get homework done. Being a student and a parent is extremely challenging. But you know what? I found a way to not only finance my education but I also found a routine that enabled me to complete my education. Other people take out student loans or work several jobs in order to finance their education. If you want it badly enough, you will find the time and money to do so.

A college degree can be a measure of knowledge. Knowledge and intelligence are two different, but related concepts. Knowledge is a collection of facts, truths, or principles that are gained through study or investigation. Intelligence is defined as one's capacity for learning, reasoning, and understanding. Ones intelligence can determine how much knowledge they are able to obtain. It is more of a natural ability, either you have it or you do not. With that being said, it is nearly impossible, unless you are trying very hard, to go through any type of schooling and not come out on the other side without knowledge. If you go to college for two years, four years, six years, or even longer, you will complete your education with more knowledge than you had before you started your education.

A college degree can be a measure of capability. Some fields of work require that the person be licensed before they are able to work in that particular field. Most times, in order to be licensed that person must have a particular degree. For example, I am working on becoming an Associate Licensed Professional Counselor, in hopes of becoming a Licensed Professional Counselor. The state of North Carolina, and most other states, stipulate that before I can obtain said license I need a degree in counseling or a related field. Why? That degree is somewhat of a measure of my capabilities as a counselor. 

Now with this being said, I do not think those without a degree do not possess these qualities. Of course someone without a degree can be knowledgeable, capable, determined, etc. One does not need a piece of paper to determine that. I am just trying to say that before someone goes around saying that a college degree doesn't mean anything to think for a minute. That degree might not mean anything to you, but for those of us who have sacrificed time, money, and effort into attaining the goal of earning a degree, that expensive piece of paper means so much more. 

You Chose It

As many of you already know, my husband is currently deployed to Afghanistan. This deployment is his fourth combat deployment literally since the day after our 8 year old twins were born. This one is a short one; it is only nine months long, where the other three have been year-long separations.

Also, as many of you may know, I am not one of those women who mope around during these deployments. Many women stop their lives when their husbands are gone. It is as though they feel their existence is pointless when their husbands are not around. They exist during these deployments, but they do not LIVE or THRIVE during these deployments. I am not one of these women. I make goals during each deployment, and more often than not I achieve those goals. Even though half of my heart is gone with my husband in Afghanistan, my life does not end when he is not a daily part of it.

With that being said, I do have my off days where I do feel sorry for myself. I have my day, mope around the house and whatnot, then I pick myself up the next day and move on. Well, I was having one of these days when I was chatting with a friend from high school on facebook. I was complaining about how it sucks that my husband is gone or how much I miss him, and my friend told me "well, you chose your life", and that was it. Like I wasn't allowed to hurt or to miss my husband because I chose this life with my husband.

I understand that this is not my first rodeo. I usually do not complain to other military wives about deployment woes because I usually get told something to the effect of "you're a military spouse, it's part of the job, get over it." Really? When have we stopped lifting each other up, empathizing with one another, and encouraging one another and expect everyone to just "suck it up and drive on"? I know that is what our husbands are taught, but we are human beings with feelings and emotions, and we have a right to express these emotions without being stonewalled.

Another thing that other wives tell me is that this isn't my first deployment, so things should be easy for me. Well, in a sense that is true. I know what to expect and I know the challenges that lie ahead of me not only with the deployment but with reintegration as well. I also know what I personally need to do to make it through these deployments. On the other hand, each deployment brings with it its own unique sets of challenges and setbacks. For example, during the first deployment I had newborn twins and was serving on active duty in the Army; I was a single parent to these two beautiful babies while having to fulfill my obligation to my country. Needless to say I didn't sleep much, and things were hectic. On this deployment, I have 8 year olds who somewhat understand what is going on and what their dad is doing in Afghanistan, and are able to express their feelings and emotions pertaining to these events. I wouldn't say one deployment is easier or harder than the other, they are all different.

To me, this lifestyle was not a choice. I love my husband dearly, and when he asked me to marry him, I had to accept his proposal knowing that in a sense I was marrying the military as well. I had to take the good with the bad. However, I could not imagine sharing my life with any other man, so there was no choice for me; I accepted the proposal whole-heartedly. 

With all this being said, deployments suck. While we are blessed by the military in many ways (housing, healthcare, travel opportunities, friends that are more like family, steady job, etc.) there are also many ways that the military life can be difficult. As a therapist I know that keeping emotions inside and not being able to express them is unhealthy, but I fear expressing my emotions concerning deployments because of the reactions I have been getting from others. I guess what I am trying to say is, let the military spouses, and even soldiers, be able to express their emotions pertaining to this lifestyle without fear of any sort of backlash. Remember that next time you get a flat tire or your husband has to go on a weekend business trip. Military families endure far more hardship and stress on average and complain far less. When one of us needs someone to talk to, please just listen and offer your empathy, understanding, and prayer.

FML

In my opinion, today’s most overused term is “FML”. Everybody says it, at least here on post. I hear it just about everywhere, and I often see someone post it on facebook when something is not going the way that a person planned it to. For those of you who don’t know, “FML” stands for Fuck My Life.

In the spirit of full disclosure I must admit that I have used the term one time. I don’t remember what was going on, but things just weren’t going my way and I used it. It seemed unnatural, and even though things weren’t going my way I felt that I had no real reason to use it. Why? Well, because I actually have a very good life and I do not have much to complain about, so when one little thing doesn’t go my way I’m going to say something like that? Kind of seems silly really.

Even for those who are not presently living their ideal life, I think the term is still a waste of breath. I say this because no matter how bad things get, things can go worse. With that being said, things can always get better too. Instead of focusing on the negative things, people should turn their attention to the things the positive things in their life.

Yeah, there will be bumps in the road, but how are we supposed to grow and mature without the tough experiences most of us will face at one time or another? I know things can suck, but every time that things have been really crappy in my life or I was not in an ideal situation I just hang in there, bear through it, and work toward my goals…even if that goal is something little like making it through the day. My point is, we shouldn’t just throw our hands up and say “FML” whenever things get rough, we should work through those time because it is the tough times that make us who we are today.

I am reminded of a quote by Henry Ford, “When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.” In the end, it is adversity that makes us stronger. Be thankful that you have the chance to be changed for the better through these tough experiences.