What I'm Thankful For

There are so many things that I'm thankful for, where do I even start? I'm thankful that my Lord and Saviour died on the cross so that I may have eternal life. I'm thankful that I live in a country where I have the freedom to worship to practice my religion openly.

I am thankful that God gave me such a wonderful husband. Even though no man is perfect, he is everything I could have ever asked for. I am also thankful that my husband is home from Afghanistan and is able to celebrate the holidays with us this year.

I am so very thankful for my little boy and little girl...a lot of the time I don't think I deserve to have such sweet, happy, smart little kids but I am so grateful that God put them in my care.

I am thankful for my mother, father, and brother. I could not have chosen better family members if I had the chance. My parents and brother are so loving and supportive, I do not know where I would be without them.

I am thankful for my very large extended family. I know that I don't keep in touch as often as I should (especially if you're not on facebook) but I want to know that I love and miss each and every single one of you. The love and support that I have recieved from all of you throughout the years is very much appreciated.

I am thankful for my Bamberg/Army family and the support that they gave me during this past deployment. Sometimes it can be difficult being so far away from my immediate family, but the love and support that I get from my family here makes up for the fact that my family is not here to help me when I need them. I am forever grateful to each one of my friends and the support I have recieved from them, even if it was something as simple as kind words in a facebook message.

I am thankful for my furry child, Maddie. She was such a horrible puppy but she is really turning into such a great dog. She looks mean but she couldn't hurt a fly if she wanted to, and she's so stubborn but at the same time she is very sweet, affectionate, and loyal.

I am thankful for the fact that I get to live in Germany for the third time in my life! I love living in Europe and the travel opportunities that we have because we live here. We have gone on so many trips, and are planning on so many more.

I am thankful that, as of today, I am officially a college graduate. I am thankful to have such a loving and supportive husband when it comes to my education. I am also thankful that I will be starting graduate school soon and that God seems to be providing a means for me to pay for school as well.

I am thankful that I finally started my journey to a healthy lifestyle and lost 40lbs this past year. I feel so much better and have much more energy than I used to, and I like being able to do activities like the Running of the Herd or 10-milers.

I am thankful that my husband has a job, that we have medical insurance, and that we have a place to live and we really don't have to worry about anything financially. We might not have much compared to many other people, but we have so much more than so many others and I am grateful that our basic needs (and then some) are taken care of.

I am thankful that my family and I are healthy. Aside from the occasional stomach virus or cold, we are all very healthy and for that I am very grateful.

I am thankful for the fact that I get to be a stay-at-home mother and that I don't have to work if I don't want to. I never thought I'd be a housewife, and to be honest I didn't enjoy it very much during the first few years, but it has grown on me. I love being able to do volunteer work if I want to, keep a clean house, bring my husband food at work if he needs it, have dinner on the table when he comes home, take care of my children, help them with their homework, teach them the morals and values that I want them to learn, and just enjoy taking care of and being with my family. So many women want to be able to do this and can't because of financial situations, and I just kind of "fell" into this position, but I am glad that I did.

There are probably so many things that I'm missing, but even though I can't think of them right now I'm still thankful for them. What are you thankful for?

AFN News Clip

Here is the AFN News clip of this years Running of the Herd:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQumeA6cB7Q

Family, Friend, or Foe?

I come from a very large, close family. Ok so my immediate family is rather small and only consists of my mom, dad, brother, and myself; but my extended family is huge. On my dad’s side I have 5 aunts, 4 uncles, their spouses, and over 30 cousins and now my cousins are having children. We all care for each other, celebrate with each other, help each other through the hard times, and stand up for each other. Sure there are the occasional disagreements, but often times these disagreements are worked out and life goes on as normal. We get together as often as possible for the major holidays and even find time to get together “just because”. The childhood memories that I have of these times with my family fill me with joy, and provide a basis for how I would like to raise my children. Family is everything.

When I married my husband I was ecstatic because that meant that I would have even more family to share everything with; I was gaining a mother in-law, a father in-law, two brothers in-law and their wives, a niece, two nephews, and two step-children. To make things even better I get along with my husband’s ex-wife. That’s not to say we don’t argue, but we get along pretty good and work through our disagreements. Somehow I had this notion that being a part of this new family would be a lot like being a part of the family I grew up in, just a little different because they are obviously different people with different family traditions. I could not have been more wrong.

Don’t get me wrong, I have a pretty good relationship with my brothers in-law (I have yet to meet one of my sisters in-law, but I seem to have a good e-mail relationship with her and unfortunately one of my brother’s in-law is currently going through a divorce and I have pretty much written his wife out of the equation) and my step-children and I love them dearly. For some reason, though, my step-mother has never truly liked me. I’m not going to go into details of the events that have taken place over the years, there’s honestly too much to write and I really don’t want to get into all of that. I just don’t understand why she doesn’t like me. I have never done anything malicious toward her or had any ill-will or intent toward her. I will be honest and say that in regards to my husband’s ex-wife I have often acted in a childish manner and would understand why she would not like to continue a relationship with me (which, thankfully, is not the case), but as far as my mother in-law is concerned this is not the case. She has time and time again told my husband to divorce me, told me that I was not good enough for her son, and blows things out of proportion or twists things to try and make me look bad. I would understand all of this much better if I cheated on my husband, was a bad mother, spent all of my husband’s money and put us in debt, was ill-tempered, etc., but I’m not any of those things so I really do not understand the constant character assassinations, many of which are becoming public (isn’t facebook wonderful?). Now, not only is my mother in-law assassinating my character but other family members are writing my husband and doing the same. My mother in-law’s sister (who I met once, 6 years ago for only a few hours during Thanksgiving) wrote my husband and called me trailer trash. I know I shouldn’t take these things to heart, but when so many people are trying to bring you down and call you names and such it starts to wear on you.

I have not responded to any of the recent character assassinations. Honestly, anything I write my mother in-law will be misconstrued into something horrible, even if it’s nice, so I really do not see the point. Not to mention, right now I don’t have anything nice to say at all and if I write her a nasty-gram that really doesn’t make me any better than her. So I stick with the old saying “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”.

It’s not that I have not tried to have a relationship with my mother in-law. There have been several times where I have written her and stated that we should talk and work on our issues and attempt to build a stronger relationship. The last time I tried to do that, which was about a year and a half ago, she informed me that she did not have time for it and that she has to focus on her health. I’m not going to post her medical history on the internet, but the health problem she was referring to is relatively minor and not a serious disease, and she would have been more than capable of talking with me and attempt to work things out if she had been inclined to do so.

I recently wrote a dear friend of mine asking her to pray for my husband’s family and all of the family drama and troubles that we all have been going through. In her reply I realized that where I might not have been given the ideal mother in-law, God did bless me with a wonderful “family” here in Bamberg. This woman wrote back and said she would pray for us, agreed to do another favor I asked of her, and offered to take my kids for a weekend so my husband and I can have some alone time. How awesome is that? In that moment I realized that family is blood and should be everything, but some family can be foe at the same time, and that some friends can be just as good (if not better) than family.

With all that being said, I’m going to do my best to not let all of this stuff bring me down. I KNOW I am a good person, a good wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend. I AM worth getting to know and have a relationship with, and if ANYBODY fails to see or realize this then it is their loss.

My “Herd” Experience

I apologize to any of my readers who might have been eagerly anticipating my race-day experience. I don’t have any good excuses for not writing other than pure laziness. Since my husband has been home I have not gotten anything accomplished.

On November 8^th my husband and I went down to the BSB battalion area where the race was being held. Right off the bat I was put in a bad mood because I found out that instead of registering me for the race, the “team captain” had me running with my husband. To clarify, instead of listing me as a contestant on my own standing, she listed us as “Daniel Coddington & Wife”, to run as a single contestant. I was upset, to say the least, because I had been looking forward to this for a while. The “captain” (more on her later) was not there so my husband talked to a few people and got me on the team as an actual contestant.

Side note about the “team captain”. She runs the S-3, or is going to, and she decided that she wanted to start an S-3 team for the race to build camaraderie among the members of the shop, which really is a good idea. The thing is, she signed herself up for the race, then on the day of the race she backed out saying that she had an MRI scheduled sometime in the near future for her knee and could not run. Ok, fine. Later I found out that she had the knee problems before she even deployed, so why on earth would you sign up for a race that you had absolutely no intention of running? It just didn’t make sense to me. Everything worked out in the end, and to give credit to this person she was a great cheerleader and made sure that all of the runners had everything that they needed. Her actions just didn’t make sense to me.

Ok. So I am finally “for real” signed up for the race and I meet all of the team members who all seem really nice. Dan and I set up our camping area, we had a tent, a fire pit, lawn chairs, and tons of goodies, even though it was cold we fully intended on staying the night there.

Did I mention it was cold? I mean, not just cold, but FREEZING. I am so thankful that we brought the fire pit along with us, and that we all brought more than enough clothes to keep us warm. We were considering taking the kids home and being home in shifts so that they could be warm, but they were perfectly content in their sleeping bags and wanted to go “camping”. So, we toughed it out.

Back to the race, things seemed to be going really well. I did my fist 5-mile lap around 6pm, in the dark. I honestly wouldn’t recommend that to anybody who has a choice in the matter because you can’t really see where you’re going, but it was really well lit with chem.-lights and there was no possible way I could have gotten lost (I think if I ran it during the daytime first I would have gotten lost…it doesn’t take much for me). I was going good. I mean, the rough terrain of the trail didn’t seem to bother me, I even passed one lady, I was feeling good, and the songs that were playing on my iPod rocked. I finished my first lap in about 50 minutes, which is a personal best for me. I honestly could have run another lap right away and been okay with it.

So I turn the final corner and can see the finish line. I have no idea what the guy who I was supposed to give the bayonet to looked like. Just a little side bar, instead of running the relay with a baton, we ran it with a bayonet. Those things are HEAVY to run with, my arms got tired and I had to keep on switching it from hand to hand to avoid muscle failure. Anywho, so I don’t know what the guy looked like because he wasn’t around during the introductions. I didn’t see anybody looking like they were ready to take the baton from me, and I get to the finish line and there was still nobody there. Now, I know this isn’t very Christian of me by any means but I’m going to be honest and say that I screamed “where the f*ck is my team?”” I just couldn’t believe that a team member would let me down like that, even thought I was feeling good and could have run another lap right then. The guy had no idea what I looked like either, and when he realized that it was me who he was supposed to replace I heard him sprinting from behind me, I held out the bayonet and he took it from me.

When I got back to our camping area I was told that one of our team members got so drunk playing beer pong that he was going to be useless. Other team members kept on talking about waking him up in a few hours, but I heard that he was passed out and that his wife had him rolled on his side so that he wouldn’t choke on his own vomit. I knew the kids wasn’t going to be of any use to us for at least the rest of the night, but for some reason the others just wouldn’t leave him alone.

I have to say that I was disappointed with the rest of the race. I “ran” my second lap at about 2am, but before that I was talking to some of the other team mates who already had bad attitudes and were talking about quitting. I wanted to run my second lap but the other team mates convinced me to walk it so that it would take up more time. Most everyone else from the other teams were walking by this point so it wasn’t like it was out of the ordinary to be asked this, but if I wanted to run it they should have let me run it. So I walk my second lap, get back, and find that one soldier was arrested for a DUI and another from the battalion was accused of kidnapping his daughter, so the atmosphere  for the rest of the night was shot. One of our team members was too drunk to run, another was upset because she ended up having to run two laps in a row because another team member failed to be at the finish line to relieve her, and another missed his wife or something and went home, but not before he tried to convince the rest of the team to quit to. I have to admit that I was a bit put off by all this. We are supposed to be running this race to honor the 173^rd soldiers who sacrificed all in combat, and the battalion had just lost 4 soldiers not even three months ago. These people knew what they were signing up for, why on earth (barring illness or injury) would they even think about quitting? There was one point where my husband and I were prepared to finish the race ourselves if need be, just taking turns running the final laps. There was no way we were going to quit.

So just before my third and last lap our team captain approached me and told me that I didn’t need to run the last lap, that our team had done enough and that I should stay back and hang out with my family since “that is what this is all about”. Um, NO, it’s really all about honoring fallen soldiers, and there was no way I was going to quit just before my last lap. So I ran/walked my last lap and came in when the race tracker said 23:50, I couldn’t have timed it any better if I had tried.

For my husband, kids, and I the race was a great thing. We got to go “camping” and bond as a family, and Dan and I bonded over running the even together. I got to meet a few of the people my husband would be working with so it was nice to get to know them. I was disappointed with the attitude of some of my team mates, but next year (if we’re still here) we will be a bit more selective as to who we run with. All in all it was a great experience and one that I would do all over again if I had to.

The Running of the Herd

Once a year there is a 24-hour relay race held on the 8^th of November called the Running of the Herd. The race is grueling; a team is composed of seven runners, and each lap is approximately 5 miles, and one runner must be running at all times during the race. The average runner will run about 20 miles during the course of the event, with some running as many as 30 to 35 miles.

The people who compete in this race are not professional athletes and have little or no training before the race. Most of them are soldiers, but some spouses and civilians run too. So why on earth would they put their bodies through such a physically demanding task?

The Running of the Herd started on November 8^th of 2007 to commemorate the loss of soldiers in Vietnam during a grueling battle on the 8^th of November (Big and Rich wrote a song about it, go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SfElHIt7n0s

to see the video), the loss of ten 173^rd Sky Soldiers during a deployment to Afghanistan in 2008, and more recently the loss of more Sky Soldiers in October of 2010. Needless to say, the men and women who compete in the Running of the Herd do so to honor the lives of those who gave all for our country.

I have been to the 2^nd and 3^rd annual races of the Running of the Herd as a spectator. The races tended to be small with only a handful of teams, but the atmosphere is one of both remembrance and celebration. There are about 30 teams registered so far this year, which makes it the biggest event yet. This year, for the 4^th annual Running of the Herd I will be attending as a competitor. I do not by any means plan on breaking any records or even being on a team that has a shot at winning. I am doing this race for two reasons; to honor those who gave all for our country, and to challenge myself. I am not by any means a professional athlete…I hardly consider myself an athlete, but I am in the best shape of my life right now and I have been running a lot lately. I’m looking forward to this experience, but at the same time I know that my body is going to hate me for it afterward. Even so, that is a small price to pay compared to those who gave the ultimate sacrifice.

I will be sure to post pictures after the race and write about my experience…wish me luck!

A New Level of Stupidity

Most of my readers know by now that Dan is supposed to be on his way home, but that I've been told time and time again that he was going to be home to only have them push back the date several times. On top of that, main bodies that are numerically behind Dan's main body and who left Afghanistan AFTER Dan did are coming home before him, what sense does that make? Well, this morning hit a whole new level of stupidity.

At about 3:45am I hear the phone ringing so I rush out of bed to answer the phone. I'm not going to name names, but a very pleasant sounding specialist on the other end informed me that my husband was on a plane to Nuremberg and that he will be home in approximately 9 hours. GREAT NEWS!! I was so excited, I couldn't go back to sleep and I went straight into planning mode so I can get some things before he got home. I was laying in bed, wide awake, when I hear the phone ring again. I answer, and it was the same specialist with the pleasant voice that called earlier telling me that the phone call was a mistake and that it was meant for a different main body. I was devastated, to say the least, but also very, very angry. There would be no sleep for me.

At about 6am I decided to write the rear detachment commander. This is what I wrote, but for the sake of anonymity names have been removed:

Cpt.,

I am writing because I wanted to let you know how disappointed I am with how things are being run in rear-detachment in regard to re-deployment communications to the spouses, specifically with Main Body 3. In the last e-mail I have received from you, you stated that my husband would most likely arrive sometime on Tuesday, and that to avoid putting us through an emotional roller coaster that you were not going to write us every time the flight information changes. Honestly, your entire lack of any communication with the spouses of soldiers on MB3 put us through more of an emotional roller-coaster than keeping us up-to-date would have been. Most of us were told by our husbands on Monday that the flight for Tuesday was canceled, and I know for a fact that I was not the only spouse who was waiting for some sort of “official word” from you. Instead we had to rely on sporadic (and sometimes wrong) information from our spouses and the rumor mill. We also learned that MB4 is coming in before MB3, which doesn’t make any sense to any of us, and it would have been nice to receive some clarification on the matter. It is amazing that when there is an FRG meeting or some other battalion event I get more e-mails than my inbox can handle, but when the information I need means the most to me I receive nothing but silence.

In the last e-mail we received from you, you told us to wait for the phone call that that was the most reliable source of information as to when our husbands were coming home. At 3:45am this morning I received such a phone call from Spc. I was ecstatic beyond words, too excited to go back to sleep and went straight into planning mode. Fifteen minutes later, I received another phone call from Spc., telling me that the phone call was a mistake, that it was meant for MB4 and that I should be receiving a phone call tonight in regards to my husband. She apologized profusely, and I told her it was okay but I only did so to rush her off the phone before I totally melted down. Needless to say, I haven’t gotten any sleep since then. I understand that people make mistakes, but when the stakes are this high there is absolutely no room for error. I know for a fact that I am not the only spouse who received such phone calls this morning.

This is the fourth deployment that my husband and I have endured together and I must be honest and say that I have never been so disappointed with how a battalion has handled a homecoming as I am with the 173rd BSB. If this is what I am to expect, I fully hope that my husband PCS’s before the next deployment rotation comes up.

Respectfully,

Joanne Coddington
To the point, firm, but honest and not mean, right? I didn't expect miracles by any means by writing this e-mail, but I did expect more in response then what I go, which was:

Dear Mrs Coddington,

I am very sorry for our mistake. I am very disappointed too, by now I was hoping to have the entire battalion home safe and sound. There is nothing I can do to change SPC mistake but to apologize for it. The flights do change every two to four hours on the tracker. Sincerely:


CPT

That's it? Really? No "we'll try and do better to keep you updated" or "I understand why you feel that way, but" or anything. I mean, I understand that plans change and flights get pushed back, just keep the wives up to date with the information!

You ever feel like you're talking to a brick wall? Just when I think the Army or this unit cannot get any more stupid, it surprises me.

Waiting, Waiting, Waiting…..

I’ll be honest, right now I’m just upset because I really want this deployment to be over with, and it’s not happening. I mean, it’s happening for other people in my husband’s unit, it’s just not happening for me. Every time we get within 24 hours of our homecoming I get a phone call saying that plans have changed and things got pushed back another few days. Meaning I have to tell my kids AGAIN that Daddy won’t be home on the day that we were told he was going to be home. I have to clean…again…because the house won’t stay clean that long. I have to wait around the computer and phone hoping for some sort of message, again.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I LOVE being an Army wife. I love the Army, I was partially raised around it, I am proud to have served in the Army myself, and I love supporting my husband’s career. The one part I absolutely detest about being an Army wife is the feeling that I’m always waiting. Waiting for another deployment. Waiting for my husband to come home for R&R. Waiting for my husband to come home from the deployment. Waiting for my husband to come home from another field problem. Waiting for my husband to come home from TDY or a school. The list can go on and on.

For years I have put my life on hold because I was always waiting for the right time. After so much waiting I have found that there is no “right” time. This deployment my kids came first, but after their needs are met I sought to meet my own needs. I started going to the gym, running, and eating healthy and am reaping the benefits of my hard work. I worked harder than ever to get my degree finished and just turned in my last two assignments today. There were so many things that I did for myself, but looking back there are a few more things that I found myself waiting to do, like travel. Before Dan left I told him that I was not going to stop traveling just because he was gone, but except for a few day trips and a trip to the States that’s exactly what I did, I waited. I wasted a whole year of opportunities, why? Because I wanted to have those experiences with my husband and would feel guilty if I did go without him, and partly because I didn’t want to travel alone with two small children. To me those are not good excuses, my kids are great travelers and I have never had a problem with them in travel situations with or without Dan. The first excuse…I love my husband and want to experience everything about living in Europe with him, but should I put my life on hold and not do anything because he’s away? Should time stand still because he is taken away to serve his country? Should I feel guilty that I want to experience life even though he’s gone for up to a year at a time? I know what the logical answer is. No, I shouldn’t feel guilty and no, my life should not stop because he’s away so often and for so long, but why do I have such a difficult time justifying the fact that I should have a life too?

So when is the right time? Now. When the opportunities are there, because you don’t know if you will have those opportunities again. No more putting life on hold for this Army wife. I’m going to stop making excuses and start seizing the opportunities that come my way, because I deserve to enjoy my freedom and my life…isn’t that what our husbands are fighting for?

Common Courtesy Isn't So Common Anymore

I am from a small town in rural Wisconsin where people smile and say “hi” to strangers walking down to street or wave at other cars as they’re driving by. Neighbors help each other out just because, well, that’s just what neighbors do. It is one of those towns where everybody knew just about everybody, and in one way or another people just looked out for each other.

This is kind of embarrassing, but I remember one day when I was about 17 my dad asked me to go put gas in the truck. The truck was a stick-shift and I didn’t know how to drive it so I told him so. My dad just chuckled and said “well, you’ll know how to drive one by the time you come back”, and showed me the basics of driving a stick shift. To start off I drove to the gas station just fine, parked the truck, put gas in it, and attempted to drive off but couldn’t get the truck to go. I was sitting there for five minutes trying to get the truck to move but just couldn’t manage it. One of my mom’s co-workers recognized me and offered me his help, it turned out that I had the parking brake on! So I finally got the truck to go and thought I was getting the hang of it. I was at a four-way intersection with all stop-signs and when it was my turn to go I for the life of me couldn’t get the truck in gear. Once again, I was sitting there for five minutes when a woman knocked on the window and said “Honey, what are you having problems with? Is it the clutch or the gear shift?” I told her that it was the clutch, and she said “well, scoot over honey and I’ll get you out of the intersection”. That kind woman left her car in the road and helped me move the truck out of the way. I thanked her and she walked back to get her car. I finally get the truck going, am back on my way to my parents house when I was at another stop sign and couldn’t get the truck to move again. I was so frustrated by this point, especially because I could see my house from the stop sign! I am sitting at the stop sign (thankfully it wasn’t a busy intersection) trying to get the truck in gear when another van came up behind me. I waved the van to go past me when another woman rolled down her window and asked if I needed help. I told her no, that I was almost home and that I think I could manage. Frustrated, I finally got home, thankful for the help of all those kind people…but it was a long time before I attempted to drive a stick shift again (I know how to drive one now, btw).

So what was the point of that story? Well, people I did not even know were kind enough to take a few minutes out of their day to help me out. Now, I don’t know if it’s a Midwestern thing or a small-town thing or what, but I just don’t find see that very often anymore. Bamberg is a fairly small community, and when I walk down the street I look people in the eye, smile, and say “hello” and you know what? Most of the time people either look at me like I’m either crazy or a complete idiot, or they choose to totally ignore me altogether. Where I grew up, if someone says “hello”, you respond to them and it is considered rude to ignore them.

Most of my neighbors living in my stairwell are great neighbors, the families that I am acquainted with I know I can go and ask them for an egg or to borrow a tool or something, and the rest of them smile and say “hi” when I pass them in the stairwell or see them in the laundry room. Some of the neighbors I don’t know so well, though, can be pretty inconsiderate to the rest of us. Some neighbors take up all four washers (which is fine, I do it too) but then take HOURS to move their laundry from the washers to the dryers. I don’t even think they give a thought to the fact that other people in the building might want to start laundry too. If I am using all four dryers and see that people have stuff in the washers, I knock on their door and let them know that the dryers are open. Does anyone else offer that same courtesy? No. One neighbor (I don’t know for sure who it is, otherwise I’d confront them) puts their garbage in my garbage can. If it were one bag, fine…but they fill it up to the point where I don’t have room for my trash. Other neighbors (not from my stairwell) don’t clean up after their pets, and insist on walking their animals in the same area that our children play or where barbecues are held. Other neighbors allow their guests to park in parking spots that are marked for certain apartments rather than ask them to park in the unmarked guest parking.

Those are just a few examples of things I have to deal with, but all of them bother me because I personally cannot bring myself to be so inconsiderate of my neighbors. I would feel horrible if I knew I put out one of my neighbors because of something inconsiderate I had done. There are some things that just come along with living in shared housing, such as hearing things from other apartments, but for the most part a lot of the little annoyances can be alleviated if people were just a bit more considerate of their neighbors. If there is one thing that I have learned in the past ten years, though, is that common courtesy isn’t so common, but the world would be a much nicer place to live in if it were.

A "Can't Do" Attitude

This is a subject that has been on my heart for a quite some time, but I was reminded of it yesterday when I was helping my daughter with her reading assignment; she was trying to sound a word that any first grader should be able to get, she got frustrated and said “Mommy, I can’t do it!”I was taken back by that statement because I knew for a fact that my daughter could do it…she just didn’t WANT to put the work into figuring it out.

In the past I have been guilty of using the word “can’t” just as much as anybody else, but the past three deployments that my husband and I have endured have shown me just how much I can do that I thought I couldn’t do before. So is it really that we can’t do something? Or is it more that we won’t or don’t want to?

Many of you who know me know that in the past ten months I have lost about 40lbs. I get a lot of compliments about my weight loss, and when people ask how I did it I tell them that I watch what I eat, measure my portion sizes, and exercise. The usual reply that I get after I tell them my “secret” is, “I can’t do that, I just don’t have the discipline” (or time, someone to watch kids, etc.). Now, does this person really not have the time, or are they just unwilling to set aside some time for themselves to work out? Is childcare really a problem, or are they just not coming up with creative ways to work out with the children home or finding child care? Is discipline really the issue, or is it the fact that they are not ready to make the changes that cater to a healthy lifestyle? I have made these same excuses for myself for years, telling myself that I can’t lose weight because of various reasons, but really it was me not choosing to make healthy changes. This kind of thinking not only affects weight loss, but many other areas of life as well. Facing any sort of change in life or a major life “hurdle” requires a change in your thinking and the attitude in which you approach them.

In the book titled “Help! I’m a Military Spouse: I Get a Life Too” the authors speak about getting caught up in language that limits our behavior, and how such language can make us feel like we are powerless victims of our circumstances. No matter how small the hurdle or how insignificant the goal might seem, a “can’t do” attitude is not going to get you very far in life and you are only limiting your many possibilities.

The authors of the book also stated that sometimes we say we can’t do something, when often times it is simply that we aren’t ready to accept the consequences of doing it. For example, say a girlfriend of mine asked me if I wanted to go to lunch with her, but I had a paper due and desperately needed to get it done. So I reply to the invitation by saying “I can’t, I have homework to do”. In reality, it’s not that I can’t really go to lunch, because I very well can, it’s me choosing not to go to lunch with my girlfriend because I am not willing to accept the consequences of not finishing the paper and getting a poor grade.

So, the next time you say to yourself “I can’t do this because ______”, ask yourself if you REALLY cannot do it, or if you simply won’t, don’t want to, or are choosing not to for various reasons. By asking yourself for the real reason why you “can’t” do something and looking at things from a different perspective not only are you realizing that you do have choices and are not a victim of circumstances, but you are opening up the door for possibilities that may not have existed before simply because of your “can’t do” attitude.

Talk to Your Kids!

This week my children came home with coloring books about drugs and alcohol, and I’m assuming it’s part of the D.A.R.E program or something of that nature. Ok, fine, teach my children that drugs are bad…but did the book really need to call alcohol a drug? I really think it’s up to each individual family to teach children what they believe about alcohol. For instance, I would like to teach my children that alcohol in moderation is not a bad thing. Also, when they are about 15, I plan on letting them have a glass of wine at the dinner table on special occasions, I see nothing wrong with that. In fact, Wisconsin is one of the few states, if not the only state, where if a minor is at a bar with their parent, legal guardian, or spouse who is of legal drinking age, it is legal for them to be served alcohol as well. Does this mean that I think my six year olds should have a beer with me the next time I’m at a tavern in Wisconsin? Not by any means! Alcohol consumption in my family is something done at family gatherings and special occasions, and it is common for adolescents who are not of legal drinking age to have a drink at those functions. I just want the option of being able to teach my children MY beliefs about alcohol and alcohol consumption, not what the school wants them to think or believe. The school should have sent home a permission slip about what they would be teaching, and if a parent did not agree then those children would go to a different room while that subject was being taught.

That beings said, I was shocked that my children were taught that “alcohol impairs the mind if you drink it, and that if you drink too much you lose control of your body and you don’t know what you think or say”. That’s almost verbatim what my daughter told me today. I don’t think it’s a topic that a 6 year old should be taught or even know about, and I certainly don’t want a lecture from either of my children the next time I decide to have a beer or a glass of wine.

What happened to innocence? In American society today it is more and more difficult to just let a child be a child. I mean, sure we need to teach them not to take candy from strangers, not to let anybody touch their private parts, and other useful, age-appropriate information, but do we really need to tell them everything? I know information is power, but I believe that we should let children be children as long as possible; there will be enough time for them to have to learn about and deal with the struggles of the real world.

I understand, however, why the school feels the need to teach these subjects. Yes, the parents should be the ones to teach their children about drugs, alcohol, and sex, but many parents shrug these responsibilities because of their uncomfortable nature and depend on the schools to teach their children these subjects. If the majority of parents took the time to talk to their children about these topics, as awkward or embarrassing to discuss as they might be, I wouldn’t be writing this blog right now because my children's school wouldn’t feel it necessary to teach these subjects.

Why Organized Chaos?

This is my very first attempt at trying to post a regular blog. When asked for a title to my blog, it took me a while to think of one but then it hit me, "Organized Chaos". Why that particular name? Well, that is a very simple description of my life. I am a perfectionist by nature, but life is anything but perfect. I tried to plan out my life to be a certain way, and in fact my life turned out to be anything but what I planned it to be. I then marry a man who is in the Army which makes it nearly impossible to plan a weekend getaway let alone plan for the future; we don't even know where we'll be living a year from now! My perfectionist nature despises this aspect of the military life, but in the end everything works out to be exactly what was meant to be. I am learning that many times you just need to "let go and let God" and have faith that everything will work out for the best. In addition, I sometimes have difficulty writing thoughts that I have clearly, and what might make sense to me might look like a buch of random thoughts on paper. That being said, Organized Chaos seems to be a fitting title because not only does it describe me and my thought process, it describes my life in general.

As previously stated, this is my first blog ever. I've written notes on facebook and stuff, but on facebook I was always conscious of the people who might be reading it so that I might not offend them. On this blog I'm not going to do that. This doesn't mean that I am going to gossip and name names or just slam people just to be mean, but I am going to state my opinion without thinking too carefully who may or may not see it. If you don't like it, well, don't read my blog. I'm sure there are more intersting things to do than read what I have to think anyway.